This shape-shifting reptile from the planet Zobe sits on a train heading for Birkenhead. How many Christmas's will he ruin before happy hour is passed?

A little old lady wanted an audience with the Pope the other day so after showing the Doctor her pass and making sure it was not before 0930, he dropped her off in St Peter's square.

This is where all the lovely nosebag is created. In Kipper's Cafe (pronounced to rhyme with "safe"). It does very well and has been awarded several Mitchelin Tyres.

A steak and onion pie suffers a hull-breach as it forces its way through a field of beans.

Shouldn't you be doing the dishes?

Spinach in the foreground is backed by 2wo potato cakes, some roast turkey leg and a smear of sweet chilli sauce. Life's a long song, but the tune ends too soon for us all.

Morrisons sausage batch adorned with British mustard is about to be consumed with a cup of black coffee.

It was a treat, I can tell you.

2wo huge black draughtsmen have been crowned by 2wo grilled love apples and forced to obey orders given by some Edward VII chips and a rather hot dumping of turkey chilli. Gobward it flew untill a few minutes later the forgotton and later to explode microwave poached egg reluctantly joined them.