This was a very tasty watercress omelette on toast. I know it sounds crap but is really tasty.

This is one of the cat chefs that cook pizzas in the Argyll. They have to take great care that their whiskers don't contaminate the food.

This is a plate with a fried bread omelette on it. On top of that is a brace of plumb tomatoes made out of red lead. It is adorned with a drizzle of very hot West African chilli sauce.

It's Red Alert on the bridge of the USS Mostonia as the USS Argyll emerges from a rift in the time/space continuum and targets its weapons on Mostonia's diesel pumps.

And this is Leanne standing next to a pink person.

Leanne's finger is pointing at a partially eaten Scotch Egg. This egg was a DISGRACE because it was not born in Scotland and there was no trace of whisky in it. A bit like winegums.

The bridge of the USS Mostonia. Note that the controls on the touch sensitive tactical consol have been made to look like the controls of a petrol station. The numbers 1 to 8 across the top of the screen actually refer to photon torpedos.

This head is part of a larger carbon based lifeform known as "The Keeper of the Fluids." The Keeper of the Fluid's job strangely is not to keep the fluids but to make sure that the ones known as "customers" have the fluids.

The 3hree little sausages are flanked by baked beans and chips. A splodge of West African chilli sauce went into the beans to improve their flavouability.

An ice-cream rests in its purpose built ice-cream holding receptical. It is used when the shop assistant is required to serve a customer. It is available at all good petrol stations and, at a cost of only £25 is a bargain.

A vast round plate sits on a kitchen work surface supporting a huge portion of corned beef hash. The hash is threatened by half a tin of HP baked beans which was warmed in a pan. Everything plain and simple and decent about England flashed through my mind as it sped gobwards.