An off duty refreshment officer tucks into a staff meal at the bar in the Mighty Argyll.

A nice piece of Charlie Drake and salad as seen from the knife's point of view. In the background Mr. Sarson can be seen.

4our bits of toast are heavily loaded with olive spread and Vegemite. They are resting atop my laptop next to a vitamin pill and a glass of pomegranate juice. Not wine which I know was your first thought.

It was lunchtime on St. Patrick's day and the Frog and Nightingale was nearly empty. Later, in the evening, it was bursting at the rafters with pissed Englishmen dressed in green drinking Guinness.

Roll on April 23rd.

South African red watches 2wo mackerel fish closely as they languish on a bed of red and green salad. The fish have not been cooked but left to soak in lemon juice instead. Jesus was an otter.

2wo bits of fried bread, some beans, an egg and some grilled beercan laze about on a section of buttered toast. It was peppered, salted and finally eaten.

The breast of a dead duck is sliced and made to lie down with broccoli and gravy. The reddish hue on the plate at 6ix o' clock is not one of your wishy washy, namby pamby politically correct fancy sauces - it's BLOOD !! Yes I like my duck RARE.

I'm an ANIMAL.

3hree oily mackerel fish have fallen on top of an assortment of vegetables. This is what happens when you have a fully equipped kitchen, go shopping and are hungry.

A party of mighty sprouts paddle in a sea of Tesco Value beans while the brown cliffs of Pie stand majestic in the background.

Some mixed leaves and some boiled potatoes share a china discoid with a section of dead fish.

This is the bottom half of a "posh" bacon buttie. It has been sprinkled with black pepper and now awaits the top bit which will be totally naked to save a small amount of butter and possible clogging of the arteries.