Agent Scully's spy camera hovers over Mostonia. It identifies 3hree drinking establishments in the vicinity.

Now then. This is an interesting picture. On a background of a roast pork Sunday dinner are 4our smaller pictures. Top left is a drawing of a fat lady done by an unknown artist. The other three represent Pasta's evolution over the ages. From that simple bowl of food to that break through inversion and leap into space.

This cheeky little morsel of food is filled with cheese and meat. See how it sticks its tongue out at us as it lazes in its black bathtub.

A bottle of port is deployed in the ongoing battle with sobriety.

This little dog came into the shop the other day asking if there were any jobs going. Sadly he was over qualified.

This is baby spinach doing what it's good at. In this picture the young leaflets are helping to hide an escaped pudding from the Fat Police.

This plate has placed upon it a poached egg, a slice of fried bread and a German type sausage called "Frikadellen." It was most pleasant. I fancy a bottle of wine now.

Polish gin is meant to be used to polish household ornaments such as horse brasses and such. However I prefer to mix it with an amount of fresh orange juice and throw it into me.

This duck, a suspected terrorist and member of Al Quaeda has been captured by US forces and made to lie on a chopping board. He has been bound and gagged and, if no confession is forthcoming he will be basted with scalding fat.

That'll teach him. Bloody waterfowl! String 'em up! Get 'em in the ovens.

Well you know what this is don't you? Oh yes it's a bit of French bread about to be filled with a wodge of Wesleydale cheese. The tomato and little gem lettuce are just garnish. They will not be eaten under any circumstances. Lettuce is the scum of the veg world. It tastes of nothing and just sits on top of your food like a big fat useless piece of crap. As for the tomato.......