A piece of pitta bread contains insertions including Polish ham, fetta cheese, black olives and some kind of sauce. I shoved it in my gob, me.

The Cheshire police are in hot pursuit of a stolen container of massive proportions. The driver is also wanted in connection with an incident involving a pea and three leather clad nuns.

A knife, undetected by the security at Mostonia, guards a pastrami and mixed leaf batch which has been daubed with a large spreaded glob of course grain mustard. In the background part of an official Mostonian mug can be seen.

I went horse riding the other day. It was very relaxing in an equine sort of way. The horse moved along and I stayed on top of her. We went for about 5ifty minutes, give or take an hour. In the end I dismounted and went on my way. I don't know what the horse did. She probably forgot all about me.

No wine?

No!

Just a proper English breakfast washed down with a mug of English tea in England.

If followed by a glass of red wine, this is a very tasty breakfast.

2wo crumpets are soaked in beaten eggs to which a chopped chilli has been added. These are then cooked in a hot pan with a bit of oil. 2wo spam fritters are then added.

This is a bit of a rarity. 2wo slices of out of date bread are hosting portions of cold haggis anointed with HP sauce. It was delightful. It was preceded by a bowl of porridge. It made me feel so Scottish that I immediately donned full highland dress and learned to play the pipes.